Courageous Conversations

"Unspecified form of treatment"

My "unspecified form of treatment" for someone like Representative Weiner is to help locate his "trigger points." What was going on in his life, before the behavior even began, that "triggered" the inappropriate behavior?

This is what makes the work tricky for organizations. To find the trigger points, we need to be sympathetic to a person who at the moment is very unlikeable.

It becomes a bit of a Catch-22. To reduce the risk of reoccurrence, we need to manage our own desire for punishment and give an ear to the "reasonable" causes of the problem.

This is also why that "ear" needs to be an outside person. Insiders understandably don't currently have the tolerance to listen.

Weiner planning leave of absence for treatment

Actively work to fix your relationships

Taking a leave of absence is one way to fix it, as Representative Weiner is doing. Problem is, the issue will still be there when you get back.

What's needed to truly resolve the concerns is the courage and willingness to talk to your colleagues about what has happened, how it has impacted them and what you are doing to fix it.

This is not about how to get them to "forgive" you or make you feel better. These conversations, and subsequent actions, are about building or rebuilding the trust your colleagues have in you.

These could be the people wronged. It could be your boss. Your peers. The point is that it needs to be about them and not about you.

Democrats Wrestle With How to End Weiner Scandal

Why you need relationships at work

When trouble erupts, you truly find out who your friends are.

As Representative Weiner is finding out, there are few in the House who are willing to defend his character, his legislative history or just him personally.

Building solid relationships with your colleagues at work helps the daily work go more smoothly, but it also helps when you are facing a particularly difficult challenge.

Meaning, when a mistake happens (not to Weiner's extent, but a mistake nonetheless) do your colleagues want you to succeed and are willing to help? Do that want you to fail and do nothing? Or are they actively working against you?

As part of repairing the damage of mistakes, I have had to work with most executives to help them repair both the relationships to those directly impacted, plus build more solid, mutually-beneficial relationships with their bosses and peers.

...Silent as few colleagues defend him

The line gets crossed

Like so many executives and powerful people I coach after a situation like this, they had been toying with the line of appropriateness right up until the moment they cross it.

As with Congressman Weiner, in taking apart the situations, I find that the executive ignored signals and went right into inappropriate territory.

And they knew they were doing it, but couldn't seem to stop.

I help them stop.

Online Flirtation with Weiner Started with One Word

In case you thought racism was dead

FYI! There is language in this video which is not acceptable for work.

But the fact that for over 2 years we have been asking the first non-white US President to prove he is an American is an insidious form of racism that continues without the ability to call it out.

Oops! Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Their Peers

Not exactly "new" information. But encourages organizations to ensure their diversity policies are as broad as possible.

Study: Children of Lesbians May Do Better Than Their Peers.

The first study to track children of lesbians from birth to adolescence finds that these kids do better than children in straight families on certain measures of social development

Gender roles come crumbling down

This particular story is more focused on a media outlets "outrage" at an advertisement. The issue to me is the changing gender roles.

First that the roles exist and they exist strongly. As the father of a currently 11 month old girl, the traditional roles are conveyed and reinforced from day one. The clothes that exist for girls - pinky, frilly and a bit too sexual. For boys, rough and tumble.

Second, to be inclusive means that what those of my generation consider normal may not be normal for the next generations. As the article shows the little boy liking the color pink and having his toes painted.

And finally, reminds me of my days at American Express Financial Advisors over 20 years ago. One of our best employees was a guy who changed his hair color nearly every week. From blond, to black, to green, to blue.

The future is upon us.

Boy paints his toenails Pink

Census says, change is here sooner than we thought.

Census Bureau counted 74.2 million people under age 18, up 1.9 million from 2000.

The number of non-Hispanic whites fell in 46 states and 86 of the 100 largest metropolitan areas. In 10 states, white children are now a minority among their peers, including six that tipped between 2000 and 2010. Others will follow soon: In 23 states, minorities make up more than 40% of the child population.

Shifts in the youth population's racial makeup suggest the U.S. could become a "majority-minority" nation—where non-Hispanic whites account for less than half of the population—before the 2042 date that the Census Bureau has estimated in the past.

For the Trainers in the Crowd

If you are looking to improve your training skills, network with other successful trainers, and learn from others then consider attending this conference in October.

Balancing Life's Issues Trainers Conference

If you register by March 31 (you'll need to hurry), you will save over $200.00.

This conference is being staged by Courageous Conversations' good friend and colleague, Wendy Kaufman. We go way back to when Courageous Conversations first entered the NYC market.

I will be there presenting on how to engage your audience before, during and after your sessions.

Talk to you soon, Tim.

Employees want better managers. This is news?

For nearly I don't know, ever, employees have been telling their organizations the things they want from their managers are some variant of three things:

• Tell me what's expected
• Tell me how I'm doing on those expectations
• Tell me how to get ahead (career development)

Yesterday, 3/13/11, in The New York Times business section comes a story on how Google just discovered this time-honored fact.

Maybe because it's Google they decide this is news-worthy.

In the 25 years I have been in the business and corporate worlds, these facts about what employees want from their leaders remains a near constant. But apparently these facts and skills need to be learned, relearned, and learned again by every subsequent leader.

Check it out: "The Quest to Build a Better Boss"

Talk to you soon, Tim.