Courageous Conversations

"How can I trust you..with anything?"

Carol was outed by Steve in a conversation Steve had with his direct report, Sean, back in July. Carol is out to her immediate work group, but not necessarily to the entire organization. She has decided to talk to Steve about this situation. (16:05)

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Lessons Learned:

• Take the risk - The relationship needs to be fixed. Jump in and take a risk.

• Be clear about the seriousness - This matters. Convey that in language, tone, and action.

• Clarify the facts - "Did you speak to Sean?" Carol heard some things. Be sure they are true before reacting.

• Ask questions for understanding - Rather than make a case, ask questions to clarify the differences in perception.

• Acknowledge the emotion - Carol is angry. Might as well openly acknowledge it, rather than trying to keep it under wraps.

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"Why is she crying at work?"

Karl has been receiving complaints about his new employee Sandra. She transferred from Germany about 6 months ago. In some cases, she seems to be unfriendly, even rude and offending sometimes. One colleague came to Karl in tears. Karl has experienced situations himself where Sandra showed a lack in diplomacy and acted close to being “offensive”. (16:45)

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Lessons Learned:

• Acknowledge the cultural differences - Raise this as a possibility early on, e.g., “there may be a cultural difference here.”
• Raise the issue sooner - The first step of the Relate Model is to build Rapport. But, raise the topic of this converation earlier in the conversation.
• Include the employee in the solution - Ask the employee for solutions, ideas, insights into what she could, or would be willing to, do differently.
• Reaffirm the relationship - A universal aspect of an effective Courageous Conversation is to reaffirm the employee, her contribution, and her value to the organization.

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"Does your language heighten or defuse the stress?"

Colette Ellis, President, InStep Consulting joins me for a conversation on managing stress. She is recently back from the Yale University School of Medicine and has ideas to share. (19:53)

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You can download a copy of the Coping Ladder and follow along as we work our way up the ladder from choosing Counterproductive activities to the physical steps you can take to manage the stress. On the way up to changing your perception of the problem and finally to engaging in Courageous Conversations with those around you to actually reduce and eliminate those things that are causing the stress.

Colette's Stress Management program can help you and your organization:

• Adopt a problem solving approach to dealing with stress
• Enhance your awareness of health-promoting techniques
• Increase the benefits from your social support network
• Reduce the negative effects of work and personal stressors

Listen to the conversation, download the lessons, share them with your colleagues, use the ideas yourself.

Talk to you soon, Tim.