Courageous Conversations

Lesson #7 - Ask & Acknowledge

Step Four of the Relate Model is to Ask and Acknowledge. Does my conversation partner feel heard and respected? (05:22).

As my conversation partner speaks about his/her experience, shares his/her story, tells me about how he/she sees the issue, am I paying attention to what he/she is saying? Asking open-ended, follow-up questions that are geared towards understanding?

The key: ask a question, listen to the answer, ask another question about something he/she just said that is of interest to you. The conversation changes immediately.

Download The Relate Model and worksheets before viewing the video.

The Relate Model:

Rapport - Do you know how you will start the conversation?

Engage & Encourage - Did you demonstrate your willingness to take a risk?

Listen - Are you sincerely curious about the other perspective?

Ask & Acknowledge - Does your conversation partner feel heard and respected?

Talk - Did you go beyond hello?

Examine - Do you feel more at ease approaching this person again?

Talk to you soon, Tim.

Lesson #6 - Listen

Step Three of the Relate Model is to Listen to my conversation partner. Am I being sincerely curious about his/her perspective? (04:09).

My goal now is to stop talking about how I see the issue, the topic, the situation. But to work to take on the interactive, extremely hard task to listen and hear my partner's view on the topic at hand. I need to give him/her airtime to speak. And I need to ask clarifying questions - not questions to "prove" something or to "catch" him/her, or to show how smart I am about this topic - but to understand why my partner sees it the way he/she does and to learn how smart he/she is about this issue.

Download The Relate Model and worksheets before viewing the video.

The Relate Model:

Rapport - Do you know how you will start the conversation?

Engage & Encourage - Did you demonstrate your willingness to take a risk?

Listen - Are you sincerely curious about the other perspective?

Ask & Acknowledge - Does your conversation partner feel heard and respected?

Talk - Did you go beyond hello?

Examine - Do you feel more at ease approaching this person again?

Talk to you soon, Tim.

"I don't see what the big deal is?"

Hilda's colleague, Louise, wears a prominent diamond crucifix necklace at work. Their organization provides services across a wide range of religions. And, where religious practices can make a difference in how the care is provided. Hilda is not sure that a member of the organization should be displaying her own religion so prominently when working the the clients. Hilda decided to speak with Louise. (10:30 minutes)

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Lessons Learned

• Is this the right conversation?- Personal discomfort with someone else’s behavior (harassment behavior not included) might not be enough to justify a Courageous Conversation. We may need to reconsider having the conversation.
• Try a different conversation - Since the work problem or impact has not been established, there is the potential for another conversation. A conversation focused on the crucifix itself, what it means to Louise, and what it means to Hilda.

• Extricate yourself from this conversation - But the conversation is already taking place. Now Hilda needs to back up and remove herself from this dialogue without damaging the relationship.
  
  
• A valid concern - Hilda’s proactive concern has validity - will this be a problem for our clients.
  

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Lesson #5 - Engage and Encourage

Step Two of the Relate Model is to Engage and Encourage with my conversation partner. (03:46).

In this step, I want to raise the discussion topic and then demonstrate my willingness to take a risk by exposing something personal about myself regarding the topic. At this point we are both demonstrating courage just by being in the conversation. My job, as the initiator of this dialogue, is to take a little more risk than the receiver to put myself at ease as well as demonstrate my true intentions.

Download The Relate Model and worksheets before viewing the video.

The Relate Model:

Rapport - Do you know how you will start the conversation?

Engage & Encourage - Did you demonstrate your willingness to take a risk?

Listen - Are you sincerely curious about the other perspective?

Ask & Acknowledge - Does your conversation partner feel heard and respected?

Talk - Did you go beyond hello?

Examine - Do you feel more at ease approaching this person again?

Talk to you soon, Tim.

Lesson #4 - Build Rapport

Step One of the Relate Model is to Build Rapport with my conversation partner. To establish a personal connection to my partner, before launching into the topic that makes this a Courageous Conversation (race, gender, orientation, innapropriate behavior, etc.). Here is my instruction on how to prepare for the hardest step - getting started.

Download The Relate Model and worksheets before viewing the video.(05:39)

The Relate Model:

Rapport - Do you know how you will start the conversation?

Engage & Encourage - Did you demonstrate your willingness to take a risk?

Listen - Are you sincerely curious about the other perspective?

Ask & Acknowledge - Does your conversation partner feel heard and respected?

Talk - Did you go beyond hello?

Examine - Do you feel more at ease approaching this person again?

Talk to you soon, Tim.